Ok. So I had a messy awakening last year. Still is some days. But seems like May is really another return to my zero point.
But I’ve been (unnecessarily) worrying about ego/identity for a while now. There’s a lot of conflicting info out there about even what an ego even is. tbh I’m gonna try and move away from the word. Each person understands it differently. Some folks are highly critical of it and want to destroy it. Some call it letting go of attachments/identity. Some say it’s a balance.
All I’m gonna say for sure is it’s very healthy to make a practice of fully dissolving it. To be nothing, know nothing, have no ownership of anything. And what’s left becomes a “healthy, balanced” sense of self.
My own ego is balancing out. I had a big one but fortunately not outwardly destructive. Inwardly, very much so. The way I understand the word I call it balancing rather than removing it. If it’s a mask it must go is what I think. So the true self can shine naturally (which may well be technically defined as ego).
Hm. Don’t wanna go round in circles with this. To discuss the self as a concept is kinda confusing when ultimately there is no self. However. There is a play, a story happening. It has a name and a life, and a mission.
So. It’s like a heart/mind balance. But leading from the heart. Using the mind as a tool, a creative force. But tempered. And without identity resting there alone.
This is stuff I learned ages back cognitively and it repeats over. But the experience of this truth becomes more profound. Spirals and layers of truth. Known in the heart rather than the mind. Moved into the heart. The place where love is. Where there is no time, no space, no story. It’s really nice there but to be there wholly is to disappear. There’s a point where return is inevitable. And the story continues. It’s impossible to relay what the ultimate self really is or tell the experience. I continually practice and many times it doesn’t happen. But since this month… it’s becoming more ‘available’.
But. Regardless of practice these moments in the heart happen a million times a second like a pendulum swinging. Heart/mind. Mind/heart.
Or the integration of self over story. The same tick-tock. Self/experience. Experience/self.
But we are changing. These processes whether metaphorical or metaphysical are becoming more transparent. So we (or, “I”) learn or remember to ride that fine line deliberately, creatively, and selflessly. Kinda thing.
Hm. Integration is messy for some of us. From a mental health point of view, this stuff can be very troubling. But from the same viewpoint it is real healing. Some folks laugh and say “well the crazy/sensitive people are screwed – they won’t survive ascension”. Well, we are ground crew. You need us. The marginalised hold the balance of collective creative empowerment.
This is how we will change the world. Or step back into the Heaven on Earth scenario that was always available.
This is how we know it’s all good.
Fear in my opinion is the driving destructive force on this planet. Fear of lack. Fear of finite resources. Fear of competition. Fear of death. It’s all bullshit and we all know it.
Fear is creating chaos. In our personal lives, in our communities, on our Earth. It’s got out of control. It nearly had us many times. And yet we are still here.
Isn’t that cool? We are still here. Wake up and realise we are gonna be ok. We still have work to do. Out there, and inside. Do it intentionally before the universe compels you with some of its own pendulum swings. We all know about the law of attraction by now, right? Let’s use it for each other/all rather than manifesting things we personally don’t need. We have an incredible collective opportunity right now. Let’s do this thing. We have amazing things coming.
Find your purpose – you have one. Heal yourself and heal the world.